It isn't the bumps--it's how you handle them that counts. Here are some pointers for getting past conflict and returning to harmony: 
- After an argument, make sure that the issue has been resolved.
- What will be different in the future? How will you make that happen?
- If the conflict has passed and is resolved, forgive your partner, who is after all only human--just like you.
- And apologize. Whether you started the conflict or helped it to escalate, take responsibility and say sorry.
- If it is an issue that doesn't have a good solution, accept the outcome with grace.
- Don't use your ability to forgive to manipulate a partner or guilt trip them.
- Be assertive. Stay with "I" statements when telling your partner how you are feeling and what you want going forward.
- Plan to do something that fosters a feeling of togetherness. This can be as simple as lying in spoons, or going on a date.
- Learn to let go and move past conflict. Holding onto feelings of anger can foster more conflict.
Couples that are harmonious tend to have a better sex life. The phrase is, "make love, not war," not "make war, hang onto bad feelings, and try to repair it with sex"!
Article written by:
Dr. Stephanie Buehler
The Buehler Institute |
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