Another Look at Healing, LLC - Gaithersburg Counseling Center Moved!

Come by and check out our new office in Gaithersburg, MD!!! We move into a beautiful new suite.
We are now offering daytime, evening and weekend counseling for individual, couples, family and group therapy. We help children, teens and adults live happier, healthier lives!

Contact me for more information at Admin@HealingLLC.com or 240-274-5680 or visit our website at www.HealingLLC.com.

Pictures to follow soon!!!

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC

HANDLING RELATIONSHIP BUMPS - by Dr. Stephanie Buehler @ The Buehler Institute

It isn't the bumps--it's how you handle them that counts.  Here are some pointers for getting past conflict and returning to harmony:  After an argument, make sure that the issue has been resolved.   What will be different in the future?  How will you make that happen? If the conflict has passed and is resolved, forgive your partner, who is after all only human--just like you.  And apologize.  Whether you started the conflict or helped it to escalate, take responsibility and say sorry.  If it is an issue that doesn't have a good solution, accept the outcome with grace. Don't use your ability to forgive to manipulate a partner or guilt trip them.    Be assertive.  Stay with "I" statements when telling your partner how you are feeling and what you want going forward. Plan to do something that fosters a feeling of togetherness.  This can be as simple as lying in spoons, or going on a date. Learn to let go and move past conflict.  Holding onto feelings of anger can foster more conflict.    Couples that are harmonious tend to have a better sex life.  The phrase is, "make love, not war," not "make war, hang onto bad feelings, and try to repair it with sex"! Article written by: Dr. Stephanie Buehler The Buehler Institute

Giving Thanks and Self Care this Holiday Season

“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.” ~ Henry Van Dyke

Each year, Thanksgiving Day reminds us to take a moment to note the things and people in our lives for which we are grateful. While we may feel gratitude for those people or things we already have in our lives, sometimes it is not only difficult to acknowledge and embrace those feelings, but to truly appreciate that for which we are thankful as well.

Gratitude is the base from which appreciation grows. That means we can be grateful for something or someone in our lives without really appreciating it. The subtle shift from gratitude to appreciation involves being more thoughtfully aware and active in reflecting on the reasons we feel grateful about something or someone. Through present moment awareness, we begin to generate feelings of appreciation.

For example, we can be grateful for having a close friendship. However, we can go further and appreciate our friend’s beauty, intelligence, and sense of humor, as well as her thoughtfulness, trustworthiness and helpfulness. In this way, we move beyond thankfulness as we consciously recognize the value and significance that our friend adds to our lives.

The next step – expressing our appreciation or “giving thanks”, in the language of the season – is often the greatest challenge.

All too often we remain silent, not showing the people we love how thankful we are to have them in our lives. This is not necessarily for lack of good intentions. Life just gets in the way or we struggle to find the words. We forget to say a simple “thank you”, or write a heartfelt note of thanks.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on these intentions. This is a time to ask oneself, “Am I thanking those who mean the most? Am I giving back a bit of what I have been given?” But even if we lack the ways to express our appreciation, simply bringing to mind our thankfulness and appreciation will make us feel brighter, lighter, happier, more inspired, energized, and loved this holiday season.

For more help feeling good this holiday season, counseling can help. Call or email us today for an appointment at 240-274-5680 or AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC - Counseling Center for Women and Families

Why Is Going to Therapy So Difficult?

Ever feel like therapy is too hard or wished it didn't have to be so hard? Most people have that feeling at one time or another during a course of treatment and it may help to have a bit of understanding of why it is such a challenge and what is going on inside of you. So, first, applause to you for taking a step in a direction of helping yourself!  Regardless of what you might feel you need help with, actually looking at what is getting in your way of change can begin the changing process! As you already may have realized, change itself is difficult. Look how long you have been going along in your life, feeling, acting, behaving, being this certain way. Even when you have the best of intentions of changing; said change is often still quite challenging. 
We as humans are hard wired to build up defenses (essentially ways of protecting ourselves from "potential" harms way). When you come to therapy often times those defenses are no longer working effectively for you. It is likely because the defenses have become more of a barrier to those around you and yourself from feeling whatever it is that you may feel. A well trained therapist will help you to become aware of these defenses and feelings that arise during your sessions and explore what might be occurring. Your therapist wants to help you reach your goals; with time, patience, and a good fit you may just see and feel some of the change you are hoping for and working towards.Try and be kind to yourself during this process; its tough, though you are worth it.


For more assistance finding a therapist who is a good fit for you, feel free to call our office at 240-274-5680 or for more information about our therapists, visit www.HealingLLC.com.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

Six Quick Tips for Dating this Summer!

Dating: 

It can be a daunting, tiring process, but it can help if you do your best to go in with a positive outlook and positive, hopeful attitude.  Whether you are in the dating world or thinking about how to get back in the dating pool here are a few tips and ideas that can help keep you afloat.

Tips:

1. Broaden your options by joining in different activities that interest YOU in order to create a win - win situation. Do something you enjoy whether its playing softball, running, board games, reading books, etc. There is likely a club or activity partners looking for people like yourself to partner up with. Even if you don't meet someone "special" the chances are you are at least having fun, meeting people, and putting yourself out there. (You can try MeetUp.com to find fun things to do in your area!)

2. Take a risk and allow yourself to be moderately vulnerable. You don't have to reveal all of your deepest, darkest secrets on the first date. However, it helps to be genuine and allow your personality out for others to get to know you. 

3. Don't limit yourself to the bar scene, or thinking that's the only way to meet someone new. Everyday and every place provides opportunity to connect with others ( think book store, airport, church/temple, gym). Try going alone; you will be more approachable and more inclined to make conversation with others.

4. Make eye contact and smile.

5. Been in the game for a while? Try taking a break and “dating yourself”. Nourish, give to yourself, and love you before you get back to trying to love someone else.

6. If you want help with your dating and relationships, counseling can help you better understand your needs and wants, as well as help you understand what might be working or not working with the dating you have tried and what you can do differently to create the outcome you desire. For more information about setting up a counseling appointment, contact us today at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com or call 240-274-5680.

Take Good Care,

Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC

When life hands you lemons…

You don’t have to make lemonade. You can make lemon bars, lemon cookies, or you don’t have to make anything at all! You can hold them, look at them, throw them, squeeze them, juggle them, give them away, peel them, or anything else you might imagine! In this day and age opportunities may seem endless, and while that might sound wonderful to some, the abundance of choices may lead others to feel overwhelmed and stressed out. So if lemonade sounds good to you, then start squeezing! Others may want to weigh out other options before deciding what to do with their lemons.

The great thing about life and choices is just that: you have the choice! YOU get to choose! So if that choice feels more like a trap ask yourself what are the possible best and worst anticipated outcomes? Usually, life falls somewhere in the middle.

If the choices feel too overwhelming or you want support dealing with stressful times, counseling can help. Email us today for more information at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC Counseling and Wellness Center for Women and Families

Are you a Mind Reader? Do you wish people knew what you wanted?

The mind-reading fantasy

“He should just know how it makes me feel when he does that!”

“She should know what that look on my face means by now.”

The fantasy of mind-reading in our relationships is a real wish for many people. What is it? You know when you expect your partner, parent, or friend just knew what to do or say? Or wish she knew just what you wanted for your birthday without having to spell it out? Mind-reading is the idea that your significant other always knows just what you think/feel/want/need and how to respond accordingly. The reality is, without asking, you may not know what she wants, and without her telling you, you really may not know. What you think, and what actually is happening in an others thoughts just might be two different realities.

What this comes down to is the desire one has for another to anticipate and meet his/her own needs. Sounds pretty basic, right? Well it can be.  Mature, healthy adults are responsible for having our own needs met; oftentimes in the communication to and with our partner.

What can you do? Start by being more aware of this kind of thought process of mind reading.  Take a moment and try and take a more global picture of the situation and see if you could be jumping to conclusions based on a possible false belief. Instead of assuming you think you know, ask. Ask for clarification. Take the opportunity to learn what your loved one wants and needs from you.

Save the mind reading for the fortune tellers…

The World's Most Important Relationship Tip

Excellent Article by Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Director, The Buehler Institute:

It isn't remembering your partner's birthday.  It isn't learning how to rub his or her neck just right.  It isn't remembering their favorite dish to order from the local Chinese place, either. No, the world's most important relationship tip is as old as old can be: Listen. However, it's not that simple.  You have to listen on many different levels, all at once.  You have to listen in such a way that your partner feels heard.  You have to open your "third ear" and listen with passion, love, and wisdom.  You need to place all your attention on your partner's words and listen, not just to the literal meaning, but to all the shades of meaning underneath. Have you ever had this dialogue: Partner:  You're not listening to me. You:  Yes, I am. Partner:  No, you're not. You:  Yes, I am.  (Repeat what partner says verbatim.) Partner:  That's what I said, but it's not what I mean.  You don't get me at all! You: (Scratching your head.)  Whatever! In this exchange, the listening partner thinks they're all over it because they heard the words.  But they obviously missed a lot of information.  They missed their partner's tone of voice, their body language, and the feelings behind the words. Your partner isn't simply a word-producing device, with sounds coming out of their throat and mouth that come from nowhere.  Your partner is a thinking, feeling human being.  When they need you to listen, really listen, they are speaking with the hope that they will be understood without having to spell out every single little detail.  If you are intimate partners, it is expected, at least to some extent, that you know your partner well enough that you understand the significance of what they are saying. This type of exchange often happens when the listener is concrete.  That means they are very literal and focused on what is happening on the immediate present.  When someone is concrete, it means that they lack flexibility to understand that there is so much more going on.  It is like being tuned into one channel and not realizing that others exist. Can you develop better skill as a listener?  As a matter of fact, yes!  Here are more tips to make the original tip even better.  For example, don't anticipate what your partner is going to say, and don't start creating a response until your partner has finished speaking. While your partner is speaking, check in with yourself.  What emotional response do you get from their words?  Do you feel sad, upset, angry, amused, or confused?  Can you sense any tightness or other signal in your body, such as in your stomach?  And, what do you notice about your partner's face and body?  Are they tense?  Are their eyes wide open?  Or are they downcast?  What does this body language tell you about the importance of what they are saying? Once your partner has spoken, check in.  Make sure you heard what they said.  Ask.  Then reflect.  How do you want to respond? Try letting your partner know that you understand from their words that they might be feeling angry or distressed or whatever.  If you don't get the feeling behind their words just right, ask them to describe it to you. Respond to the feeling first--very important!  That is what makes your partner feel heard.  Give your partner sympathy or whatever is required.  Even if you don't share their point of view, be patient.  Let your partner know they are as important to you as you are to yourself. Only then can you begin to offer advice or to brainstorm, not before. I think you will be amazed with the result.  You and your partner will feel more intimate.  You will fight less.  Your partner will feel more understanding toward you, as well. Yes, the most important relationship skill is to listen.  The second most important relationship skill is how you speak to your partner--but that's for next month, stay tuned!

Can you hear me now? Making technology work for you AND your relationships.

Technology in this day and age has come so far and is remarkable in so many convenient ways. This convenience of texting, emailing, tweeting, instant messaging, face timing, skyping, facebooking, may be taking a toll you your relationships. Now there is no doubt that these vehicles for communication often are an aid in communicating and staying in touch with our friends and family but what are the consequences of the lack of face to face and telephonic conversations? Let's see how all of us can make adjustments in our lives for the best use of our communication for ourselves and in relation to others.

For those who grew up without cell phones and computers:
Keep in mind you could be missing out on staying in touch if you are resistant to using the latest and greatest tools.
Are your kids responsive via text? Better at keeping in the know when they let you know where they are with the touch of a few key strokes? Learn to use it; be in the know so stay in touch with your teenager with guidelines of use (expectations of time response and consequences if non responsive).

For those who might use modern day communication tools a little too much:
Try to be mindful about the amount of use of texting and emailing. Texts can be a nice way to show someone you are thinking of them though try to take breaks from your phone. For example, leave it in the gym locker or turn it on do not disturb, and if you can fathom the idea, see how it feels to leave the phone at home when going out for the evening. Take opportunities when in company of others to be present and thoughtful about the use of your phone. Think about how it feels when someone you are with is constantly looking at his/her phone. See if you can limit your texting to those times when need to be in touch and let someone know quickly where to meet or are running late. Remember how it feels when you receive a phone call from an important person. Consider how good it feels to hear that persons voice. We are all doing the best that we can to stay in touch. Try your hardest to make the best choice of the use of the different modes of communication.

Benefits of in person contact: 
You can see, hear, and touch. Sometimes you just need a hug, or a hand to be held. Sometimes words over text can be misunderstood without tone of voice. Being present with another allows us to feel more connected, have eye contact, a mirroring smile, or a pat on the back when needed. Notice when you might change your choice of words,emphasis, and tone when face to face, telephone, or email. Awareness is the first step of making improvements in your communication and relationships.

A Sex Therapist's Tips for Relationships

Written By: Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Director, The Buehler Institute

"Never fear, Dr. Buehler is here!  Some prime ideas for keeping cool when things are too hot (and not in a good way).

1.  Learn anger management.  I don't know why this isn't really taught as a subject in school.  Everyone needs to know how to prevent becoming a personal flame thrower.  Here are some tips from Mayo Clinic.  Learn them and use them.

2.  Learn to contain problems.  Unless something is really, truly urgent, it's often best to hold back on criticism, even if you intend to be helpful.  Repeat criticism becomes nagging.  When your partner does something, tuck it away to talk about later, when you are both calm.  In fact, this morning a client resolved to put such things on their phone, then review them at the end of the week to see what was needed for discussion.  So whatever clever thing you are going to fling at your partner, zip it, tuck it away, and bring it up later.  Chances are that with time it won't seem so important, and the two of you really can come up with a solution or resolve to do better.

3.  Accept conflict.  There is no such thing as a conflict-free relationship.  Trust me, when couples tell me that there is no conflict, if they get me alone, it all comes out in a vent, like steam.  Keeping peace is not a good goal.  You need to learn how to communicate assertively and resolve conflict, not just sweep it under the rug.

Here are some steps for rational conflict resolution:

• Identify the problem.  You may be arguing about two different things. (Not that that's ever happened in my household, don't think it has.) 
• Create several solutions.  Do not criticize them.  Write them down.   
• Reflect on the solutions.  Do not talk yet.  Just look at the list and see if any of the solutions is more apt to satisfy both parties.
• Discuss the solutions.  If things start to get heated, take a break.  (See tips on anger management, above.)  Keep the discussion focused on resolving the conflict.
• Agree on a solution.  Not "the perfect solution."  A solution.
• Try the solution to see how it works.
• Re-evaluate and adjust as needed.  Go back to the list of solutions if the solution you chose really didn't work.  

4.  Stay on your side of the line.  Respect your partner's individual opinion.  No put downs.  People may not agree but they still love one another.  The idea isn't to have your partner prove their love by allowing themselves to be won over.  The idea is to create a win-win relationship, at least as much as humanly possible.

5.  Sex.  Have some.  Even if you aren't feeling quite in the mood, it is a good idea to put aside conflict and make love, not war.  It will make you feel closer and can make the problem solving easier.  If you really aren't up to making love, then at least try a hug or a little humor to show that even though you are upset, you still love your partner. 

If your relationship is filled with constant conflict, something else is going on:  poor communication, painful feelings and resentment, or inability to understand what the point is of having a relationship at all.  That's when it's time to contact a professional.  Life is too short, isn't it, to fight all the time?"
I thought this was too good not to pass along. We have therapists in our practice who specialize in couples counseling and relationship issues. So, if you want help working on any of the above recommendations, call us today at 240-274-5680 or send me an email to AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com. Visit www.HealingLLC.com/cso for details.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC