Managing Family Relationships During the Holidays

While it might be the most wonderful time of the year for some, for others it may be a difficult time to manage. The happy picture of the family gathered around the table, decorating the Christmas tree, or lighting the menorah may be real for many. There are others that have a different kind of experience in the family of origin and may have other feelings around the holiday season. Gathering with the family may be a tough, conflicting decision to make-wanting to be together with family and at the same time perhaps wanting to avoid a particular relative or keep some distance from some unhealthy family dynamics.

This holiday season try and allow yourself the permission and healthy opportunity to consider and implement what your needs are and what feels right for you. Respecting your own feelings, experiences, and wants and needs could be new to some. This might mean making different decisions or trying a new response to an old situation. That could mean choosing not to attend a gathering, or setting a brief time to go, say to visit for dessert. You may also contemplate getting together with friends, staying home, or creating your own fun and safe traditions.

The holiday times for the healthiest of families can be stressful! If you are struggling with this holiday season and would like to see if meeting with one of our counselors could be helpful for you, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at admin@healingllc.com, www.healingllc.com or 240-274-5680.

Are you feeling overwhelmed or lonely this holiday season?

In this day and age, families are more spread out, more distant, and busier than ever. For many, not having family to celebrate with is difficult. Others may be single at this time, and not want to participate in holiday activities because they don’t have a partner to go with them. Meanwhile, many people do have family or friends around them, but they still feel very alone. These difficult feelings can be due to strained relationships from divorce, past issues or current personal struggles that can interfere with their enjoyment such as depression or anxiety.

1. What can you do when you are feeling overwhelmed or lonely this holiday season, or throughout the year?
   
   a. Stay connected. Invite friends to your home. It can be your single women friends, a few friends from work, or more of your acquaintances who you want to get to know better. Or, call an old friend you haven’t spoken to for a while. Talk more with your coworkers instead of rushing them out of your office. If you want to feel more connected to people this holiday season, offer to connect with them!
   
   b. Take care of you. Take care of yourself this holiday season by treating yourself to something special, Treat yourself to a nice gift, perhaps a stress relieving massage, guitar lessons, or a vacation to somewhere you have never been before. You can also treat yourself by eating right and exercising and you will be more likely to feel good about yourself and where you are in your life.
   
   c. Know you are not alone. During the holidays, many people share these same feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness, confusion. It is important to understand that you are not the only one having these feelings so spend time talking to others who you think share some of the same feelings. Understand that movies and television portray the holidays and family lifestyles that are not as realistic as they may seem. In talking with others, you might be surprised by how many people feel the same way you do.
   
   d. Appreciate what you do have. Change your focus to the wonderful things you do have in your life. It’s OK to take a friend to a holiday party or go alone, be grateful that you were invited. May be your aunt Jane’s sarcastic remarks are the only way she knows how to share her feelings, and that she really does love you.

For more information, visit www.HealingLLC.com for details. 

Holiday Survival Guide (Part II) - What can you do to not only survive, but thrive during this holiday season?

Last month, we looked at why the holiday season is such a difficult time for many people. A few of the reasons we overviewed were: Time with family, The In laws, Traveling Issues and of course Holiday Meals. In this blog, we will look more specifically into a few of these topics and discuss some specific steps to help relieve holiday stress. We will be answering the questions many of you wrote in about your particular holiday stressors.

“I always overeat during the holidays, how can I stop?"
1. Be Present! During the meal, pay attention to yourself.
Are you filling your plate to the brim just because that’s what everyone else does? Are you drinking alcohol to “loosen up”, if so, identify what is making you feel uncomfortable and address it directly. Are you actually tasting each bite, or just the first few and then you slip into robotic eating mode? Do you eat to quickly to even give yourself time to feel full?
2. Treat Yourself! Allow yourself permission to feel good both before and after the meal. If you always end up feeling so stuffed it is painfully uncomfortable, or you feel guilty afterwards, treat yourself to the gift of feeling good. Know that you can eat a wonderful meal, and even have dessert without completely filling yourself until you want to pop! Take less food – you can always go back for seconds if you are still hungry. You earned the right to feel good.
3. Enjoy Nature! Take a Walk. After the meal, get the family together or a special relative to take a walk with. This will give you some time to talk, get some fresh air, use your muscles and energize.

“I spend so much time cooking and cleaning, by the time my family arrives, I’m exhausted, but I don’t know what else to do!”
1. Plan! What has been the most stressful in the past? Once you figure that out – decide how to best handle this situation again when it comes up again.
2. Simplify! What activities are the MOST important to you? Is it family dinner, gift exchange, sending cards, shopping? Think about if the activity’s hassle and difficulties are outweighed by the positive emotional results. If you are a visual person, write it out on paper to help you decide. Then pick a few tasks and really take the time to enjoy them.
3. No More Worrying! Often we are too busy doing everything that we are not enjoying doing anything! Live in the moment – stop and time the time to enjoy yourself, which means not worrying about preparing for the next activity and not worrying about previous mishaps from earlier in the day. Be Present in the here and now.
4. Stop Overdoing It! Scale down on everything; it will make life much easier. Instead of sending holiday cards, send e-cards or instead of making 5 different side dishes, make only one or have guests bring the sides.

It is easy to lose sight of what’s important when you have your plate full (literally and figuratively) with holiday planning and prepping. Let’s not forget what the holidays are really about - time for gratitude, love (for self and others), family and giving.

More tips to come in December for Holiday Survival Part III! Meanwhile, I would LOVE to hear your feedback! Send an email to AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com with any questions or comments, and let me know what helps you de-stress over the holiday season. All communication will remain confidential.

Thanks for checking in!
–Amy L. Hooper, LGSW
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC

Holiday Survival Guide (Part I) - Why are the holidays so stressful?

It is now autumn and with the chilling of the air comes one of the most difficult times of the year for many people. The holiday season. Thanksgiving will be here before you know it, then Chanukah and Christmas swiftly followed by New Year’s. But why is this time of year such a challenge for so many people? Let’s take a look at a few reasons…

1. Spending time (or not spending time) with your own family can be stressful.
- Do you turn back into your teenage self? Do your parents try to parent you like you're a child?
- Do you act a certain way around your family that is not the real you?

2. Spending time (or not spending time) with your in-law’s can be extremely difficult.
- Are there certain expectations?
- Do you feel judged?
- How do you decide how much time to spend with each family?

3. Travel is getting more difficult each year.
- Delayed flights.
- More cars on the road means tons of traffic.

4. Food. What you eat, when you eat, why you eat.
- Do you have eating issues that are exacerbated by being with family?
- Does it seem like the most important part of the holiday to your family, is food?


I would love to hear your feedback! Send me an email (AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com) with a question about what to do about your holidays situation. Or let me know what makes the holiday season difficult for you or the people around you. All communication will remain confidential.

Stay tuned for Part II where we will address “What can you do to not only survive, but thrive during this holiday season”.

Take Good Care,

–Amy L. Hooper, LGSW
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC