Feelings About Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is right around the corner! (Grunt, groan, tears, yippee). The feelings about Valentine's Day are mixed! Whether or not you have a significant other or not, everyone has his/her own feelings about the 14th of February, the day that we have come to recognize as a day of love.

I took an informal random poll of feelings about Valentine's Day, and here are some responses:

"I like it, excuse to eat extra treats!"

"I like the idea, hate the commercialism around it."

"How about making every day a valentine's day and bringing love all the time or even randomly. Why wait for one time a year to express your love for your significant other?"

Eye roll "it's kind of a fun excuse to eat chocolate and do and say something sweet for someone you love. I also love extending it to more than just a significant other. Galentine's are super fun too"

"As long as I get those chalky hearts, I am in!"

"Could take it or leave it. Too much meaning is attached to the day and people end up making themselves miserable if their expectation do not add up or if they are single."

"Waste of a day...hate it."

"Just another day for significant others to fail."

"Who doesn't love love, and chocolate? Even if single!"

The responses say it all: Valentine's Day brings up a lot of mixed feelings for individuals. It can be an awkward day at any stage of a relationship and even more uncomfortable if single. If you are in a relationship, it can be really helpful to talk with your partner about each other's expectations and feelings about the day in general. Perhaps you are quite happy to be on your own, or maybe you would rather be in a romantic relationship. What it really comes down to is how one feels loved and cared for. Gary Chapman has written several books on the languages of love. Everyone feels loved in different ways, including: acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. Chapman's books and website can be helpful tools to understand yours and your partners ways of feeling loved. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ 

Whether you have a special someone to share the commercialized day of love with or you are solo, consider what you can do to show love to yourself and those you care about. Maybe you wish you had someone to buy you flowers or take you out for dinner. This year you may choose to practice loving yourself more and buy yourself flowers, candy, and/or treat yourself to a nice meal. Let Valentine's Day be a reminder to love yourself and those you care for each and every day.

If you would like to see how meeting with a counselor could be helpful for you around this time, reach out to us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center www.healingllc.com, admin@healingllc.com, or 240-274-5680.

Setting Realistic Healthy Goals For A New Year

The end of one year and the beginning of a new allows us the opportunity to reflect on the past. We can take this time to consider what we want to take forward and what we might prefer to leave behind. Plenty of us have a piece or two of our lives that we would like to improve. Most of us are aware of the resolutions of "I am going to finally get organized" or "I am going to get in shape this year" and the commitment to "enjoy life to the fullest". While those resolutions sound nice; it is more helpful and effective to set clear and specific goals for yourself that set you up for success. 

A lot of resolutions, especially in the media promote physical health goals, of joining gyms and a certain weight loss plan. Perhaps you can use this opportunity to think of ways to set meaningful healthy goals this year, and not just physically, but emotional health too. Maybe you want to start each day with a gratitude journal, learn and practice meditation before bed, treat yourself with more kindness by giving yourself a daily compliment, work on trusting that gut instinct more, returning to therapy to enhance your self-esteem, wanting to set healthier boundaries with family or friends, wanting to be a more authentic you, and so many more options to better yourself in a thoughtful, kind way.

It can be helpful to explore and define your goals with a professional counselor, who could facilitate objectively what you might want to work towards in the new year. Should you choose to set your goals on your own, make sure you break your goals down into smaller steps; share your goals with someone who cares and will help you keep a healthy accountability, and manage your expectations for a realistic outcome. Once you are "there"...don't forget to celebrate that feeling of achievement and reward yourself in the most compassionate way you know how.

If you would like to see if meeting with a therapist can be helpful for you to welcome new healthy habits moving forward contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at 240-274-5680, admin@healingllc.com, or www.healingllc.com

Managing Family Relationships During the Holidays

While it might be the most wonderful time of the year for some, for others it may be a difficult time to manage. The happy picture of the family gathered around the table, decorating the Christmas tree, or lighting the menorah may be real for many. There are others that have a different kind of experience in the family of origin and may have other feelings around the holiday season. Gathering with the family may be a tough, conflicting decision to make-wanting to be together with family and at the same time perhaps wanting to avoid a particular relative or keep some distance from some unhealthy family dynamics.

This holiday season try and allow yourself the permission and healthy opportunity to consider and implement what your needs are and what feels right for you. Respecting your own feelings, experiences, and wants and needs could be new to some. This might mean making different decisions or trying a new response to an old situation. That could mean choosing not to attend a gathering, or setting a brief time to go, say to visit for dessert. You may also contemplate getting together with friends, staying home, or creating your own fun and safe traditions.

The holiday times for the healthiest of families can be stressful! If you are struggling with this holiday season and would like to see if meeting with one of our counselors could be helpful for you, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at admin@healingllc.com, www.healingllc.com or 240-274-5680.

Building Self-Esteem

To some degree, we all face doubts and struggle at times with self-esteem. Thinking about improving your own self-esteem can seem daunting, overwhelming, and raise many other feelings, possibly even related to how you feel about yourself. While working with a therapist to understand how you feel about yourself and how you may have arrived to feel this way there are certain things you can do to help yourself along this healing journey. Below are some ways you can practice turning your self esteem toward a more positive direction.

Practice positive self talk. It is easy to talk critically to yourself, so instead try challenging a thought to a turn it into something more positive.

Try not to compare yourself to others.

Reflect on the accomplishments or times in your life you feel good about.

Get some physical exercise-  its quite empowering and reaps various physical and emotional benefits.

Set a small goal and achieve it. 

Don't beat yourself up: Talk to yourself as you would to a friend.

Focus on the things you can change/control, such as your reaction to certain experiences/events.

Spend time doing activities and things you enjoy.

Practice being in the moment, even for just a few breaths, or minutes.

Take care of you, you are the only one who truly can.

See if you can start with trying out one or two of the above self esteem building activities and check in with yourself about how you may feel. Small steps can lead to great gains to your self worth. If you find yourself struggling with self esteem or are thinking about how a therapist may be able to help you, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center. You may reach us at healingllc.com, 240-274-5680, or admin@healingllc.com.

Tips to Help Calm and Manage Anxiety

Many of us experience anxiety on a regular basis. Anxiety can show up in various ways and times and sometimes at really inconvenient moments! Most individuals can identify with the physical and emotional symptoms that can be associated with anxiety, such as feeling overwhelmed, unable to think clearly, feeling panicky, shortness of breath, racing heart, difficulty sleeping, restlessness, shifts in mood, eating more or less than usual, irritability, to name just a few of the ways anxiety can manifest.

While learning to understand your anxiety with the help of a professional (where the anxiety may stem from and what it means), there are ways to help limit anxious feelings or symptoms when they arise. Acknowledging the presence of anxiety is an important place to start. Be mindful that you are feeling anxious and that the anxiety does not have to define you in the moment. While it may feel overwhelming, there are several tips to help you manage and take more control over anxiety producing situations. 

Tips to help manage anxiety in the moment:

-Deep breathing techniques--can be done in any place at most any time (take a deep breath in through your nose or mouth for as long as you are able and then push that breath out until you feel the need to breath in again; repeat for 10 long breaths in and out, counting each inhale and exhale as a completed deep breath. Continue as long as necessary until feeling more calm.

-Talk to someone-it can be helpful to talk about how your anxiety makes you feel and help you to feel not so alone in it.

-Distractions- turning your attention to something else is helpful to take you away from the anxiety; such as playing video games, Sudoku, word-finds, coloring books, listening and singing along to music, taking a walk outside.

While anxiety can be uncomfortable it does not have to stop you from enjoying your life to its fullest. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety and would like to see if meeting with a professional counselor could be helpful for you reach out to us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center 240-274-5680, admin@healingllc.com or www.healingllc.com.

Exercise and Mental Health

It is no secret that physical exercise is so important for the health of your body. What may be more surprising are the benefits of exercise to your mental health and overall well-being. There are significant ways exercise supports mental health! You have likely heard of the "runner's high", the endorphins (the feel good chemicals) that get released during exercise and other physical activity. Beyond the endorphin release are multiple other reasons to lace up your sneakers and take a walk, or head to the gym. Some of these include:

-Taking the time out for yourself: When else do you make time just for YOU? 

-Making yourself a priority (body and mind).

-Physical activity allows you to focus on the task at hand, and practice being in the moment. A chance to put aside the to-do list/worries/concerns temporarily. 

-You get the opportunity to try new workouts and change it up if you get bored of the latest one. For example, if you are tired from running try a spinning class, yoga, interval training, or any other activity that keeps you moving, motivated and stimulated.

-Challenging yourself-ever thought about rock climbing, trapezeing, or signing up for a 5k run? There may be physical activities that sound intimidating if they are new, but it also allows you the chance to try out something different. By pushing yourself outside your comfort zone you may experience a confidence boost as well.

-Fun-if you prefer to walk with a friend, or join a club sports team it is a great chance to catch up and/or meet new friends and connect while doing your body and mind some good.

-Control-We certainly do not have control over some parts of life, but we can control what we decide to do with our bodies. By keeping a structured time to exercise your muscles allows you to have a little bit of what you can control while perhaps keeping some anxiety at ease.

-Chance to modify-Physical injuries, disabilities or limitations do not necessarily have to keep you from being active; you may need to modify what you had been doing for example, if you were running 3 times per week and developed a foot injury you may need to explore other options such as swimming or bike riding to alleviate pressure on a certain body part while continuing to achieve the benefits of regular exercise.

While it seems easy to come up with an excuse not to exercise, see if you can find a reason TO make that time for yourself.  If starting a new or different exercise routine it is encouraged to check with your physician first. If you are thinking about making some changes in your lifestyle and would like to explore this further with one of our therapists, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at admin@healingllc.com or 240-274-5680 or visit our website at www.healingllc.com.

The Weather and Your Mood

Based on the recent long stretches of rainy, cloudy, cool spring weather you may wonder about the effect this environment might have on your mood. Looking out the window on a rainy day can feel almost underwhelming where you just want to crawl back into bed and stay there. If you are already susceptible to feeling sad and lonely, the dreary weather certainly doesn't help.  

Formerly referred to as "Seasonal Affective Disorder" (appropriately, SAD); the actual clinical terminology in the DSM-5 is now "Recurrent Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern" that occurs at a specific time of the year that otherwise is not present. The DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing depression with a seasonal pattern includes having these experiences for at least the last two years:

• Depression that begins during a specific season every year
• Depression that ends during a specific season every year
• No episodes of depression during the season in which you experience a normal mood
• Many more seasons of depression than seasons without depression over the lifetime of your illness

While it may not feel good to experience a seasonal pattern of depression, the positive to having a seasonal mood shift is that you are likely able to plan ahead for it. For example, before winter begins may be an opportunity to look ahead to what you might need to feel well later. This may include getting more supportive therapy during this time, stepping up an exercise routine to get that extra boost of serotonin (the chemical that stabilizes and boosts your mood); using a light box: http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/light-therapy/home; signing up for a new activity; exploring with a Psychiatrist if a mood stabilizing medication would be appropriate and helpful to bridge you to the next season so you can feel better. 

On a day to day basis if you notice a drop in your mood and energy perhaps related to the weather, consider some of the following tips to keep your mood up:

* Listening to fun, feel good music

* Get out of the house and do something different such as visiting a museum or getting together with a friend

* Watching a funny movie

* Meditation or yoga

* Go play with puppies, or kittens, or babies (whatever makes you smile)

Next time you see the rain drops falling outside your window, stop and think how you may be able to buffer your mood from dropping as well. If you are concerned about your mood regardless of the weather and want to see if meeting with a therapist could benefit you, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at admin@healingllc.com or 240-274-5680, or you can visit our website at www.healingllc.com.

The Weather and Your Mood

Based on the recent long stretches of rainy, cloudy, cool spring weather you may wonder about the effect this environment might have on your mood. Looking out the window on a rainy day can feel almost underwhelming where you just want to crawl back into bed and stay there. If you are already susceptible to feeling sad and lonely, the dreary weather certainly doesn't help.  

Formerly referred to as "Seasonal Affective Disorder" (appropriately, SAD); the actual clinical terminology in the DSM-5 is now "Recurrent Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern" that occurs at a specific time of the year that otherwise is not present. The DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing depression with a seasonal pattern includes having these experiences for at least the last two years:

• Depression that begins during a specific season every year
• Depression that ends during a specific season every year
• No episodes of depression during the season in which you experience a normal mood
• Many more seasons of depression than seasons without depression over the lifetime of your illness

While it may not feel good to experience a seasonal pattern of depression, the positive to having a seasonal mood shift is that you are likely able to plan ahead for it. For example, before winter begins may be an opportunity to look ahead to what you might need to feel well later. This may include getting more supportive therapy during this time, stepping up an exercise routine to get that extra boost of serotonin (the chemical that stabilizes and boosts your mood); using a light box: http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/light-therapy/home; signing up for a new activity; exploring with a Psychiatrist if a mood stabilizing medication would be appropriate and helpful to bridge you to the next season so you can feel better. 

On a day to day basis if you notice a drop in your mood and energy perhaps related to the weather, consider some of the following tips to keep your mood up:

* Listening to fun, feel good music

* Get out of the house and do something different such as visiting a museum or getting together with a friend

* Watching a funny movie

* Meditation or yoga

* Go play with puppies, or kittens, or babies (whatever makes you smile)

Next time you see the rain drops falling outside your window, stop and think how you may be able to buffer your mood from dropping as well. If you are concerned about your mood regardless of the weather and want to see if meeting with a therapist could benefit you, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at admin@healingllc.com or 240-274-5680, or you can visit our website at www.healingllc.com.

Body Image and Summertime

Spring is here and that means summer is right around the corner. Gym ads, magazines, and clothing stores promote getting "beach body ready". The thought of this could be exciting for some; and leave others feeling "less than" thrilled about having more skin exposed. Most everyone has something that is less than desired about his/her own body; whether it be feeling not tall enough; not skinny enough; not buff enough; skin too pale; too many scars, ______ (enter your body insecurity here). 

If you have body image concerns, the idea of putting on a bathing suit can be overwhelming and bring up a lot of feelings. Being invited to a pool party or going to the beach can be anxiety provoking. Additionally, shopping for a swim suit or outfit to wear in the hot weather can feel dreadful. 

Regardless of your body size and shape you deserve to be able to feel comfortable on the beach and/or in the pool. So, here are a few tips and thoughts to consider when shopping for warm weather attire.

- Try to check the emotions at the dressing room door: keep focused on finding what fits comfortably and feels like it could work. Give yourself permission to try different sizes though don't get hung up on the number on the tag. The idea is to get what you need without moving into that easy to go to place of feeling bad or worse about yourself and your body. One way to leave your emotions at the door, is to first acknowledge whatever feelings you are having, and possibly even try to identify where these automatic feelings and thoughts come from. If you allow the feelings to be heard and acknowledged, they may be more willing to take a little break while you go shopping, and let you try on some clothing that might fit really well and feel really comfortable!

- Combat the negative self talk with thinking back to a place and time when you felt really strong and good (examples: recent work accomplishment, facing a specific fear, having a difficult conversation)  Really think about how you felt, how your posture was, what sensations did you notice on your body, and any particular sounds or smells associated with that time. Try to use your senses to embody how you felt when you felt strong and know you can conjure up that feeling, any time you need it.

-Find an accessory that you are excited about to pair with your swim wear, whether a fun necklace, cool baseball hat, funny t-shirt, or new flip-flops.

The bottom line is to allow yourself be able to enjoy being in the summer moments as much as possible despite how you might feel about your body. You can practice being more present and enjoy the moment when you are thinking and worrying less about how your bathing suit fits. If you find it difficult to move past some of these ideas and are struggling with body image and want to see if meeting with a professional therapist could be helpful, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center at admin@healingllc.com or 240-274-5680. Or you can visit our website at www.HealingLLC.com.

Self-Care

Self Care seems to be all the buzz these days. Do you know what it really means?   Further more, what it means to you and what self-care looks like for you. Self-care is literally that; intentionally taking care of ones-self. It is giving yourself the time, love, and attention to nourish your mind, body, and soul. 

A busy mom is a good example of someone who might need a reminder to care for herself. "I don't have time" is a common reason people cite for not engaging in self care behaviors; though what some might not realize is self care can be simple and not necessarily a time guzzler. The last thing anyone seems to need these days is more on his/her plate and added stress. Taking good care of yourself may mean adding a small bit of time to your daily routine, but time spent that you will likely feel throughout the day/week.   Examples of self care include: taking a 10 minute bubble bath; 3 minute breathing exercises; 5 minute daily meditation. Other examples might be: taking a walk each morning; doing yoga a few times per week; scheduling time for a professional massage, leaving work on time to make a healthy dinner for yourself; committing to regular therapy sessions; listening to soothing music or reading a book; scheduling time away (even if for a few hours) with yourself, family, or friends. 

The mom above might wonder how she will make that time happen...But the bigger question is if she doesn't take care of herself, who will and if she doesn't have a self care practice, what is the consequence to her and her family? Is she more irritable, feeling overwhelmed, emotionally and physically exhausted.)  Self-care really is a "return on your investment" It truly is taking good care of yourself to feel like a better YOU, for you and your loved ones. 

How do you take care of yourself? If you do not currently have a routine practice of self care, can you think of what you might like to implement?

If you'd like to discuss this further to see if a professional therapist could be helpful, contact us at Gaithersburg Counseling Center, at 240-274-5680 or admin@HealingLLC.com. Or you can visit our website for more information at www.HealingLLC.com.

Common Misconceptions In Going to a Therapist/Counselor/Psychotherapist

Common Misconceptions of going to a Therapist/Counselor/PsychotherapistThe thought of going to therapy can be scary and perhaps intimidating, which is normal. There are several misconceptions about going to therapy that we would like to outline to hopefully ease some of your anxieties about getting started.

1) You will be expected to lay down on the couch and talk about all your deepest darkest secrets

Most therapist offices these days have a couch (to sit on); or chairs to sit on; and you will usually be sitting facing each other. Trained Psychoanalysts conducting traditional psychoanalysis will have a patient lay down on a couch while the psychoanalyst will be sitting behind him or her listening. That type of therapy is quite different than the general psychotherapy I am referring to in this article. In therapy, you share what you are comfortable with sharing at the given time; the therapist knows to go at a pace you are comfortable with and understands building a relationship that feels safe takes time.

2) Your therapist has all the answers.

Surprise! No training in the world could offer anyone the solutions to every patients problems/concerns. In fact, most well trained therapists rather than give you answers, will help you develop tools and come to your own solutions with his/her help. In addition you can and will learn ways of managing on your own more effectively.

3) Only those who are "crazy" seek therapy.

No. No, and no. Seeking therapy and help for a mental health disorder, crisis, or to improve self in various ways is seen as a strength. It is actually quite brave and healthy (not crazy) to be willing to seek help/therapy. People go to therapy for so many different reasons including relationship concerns, grief/loss,to improve self esteem/confidence, difficulty in decision making, change of life events, and sometimes just to have an objective person to talk with. Often our cultural beliefs, societal, and family beliefs play into our personal beliefs about counseling.

4) I had a bad experience in therapy, why would I bother trying again?

Unfortunately there are times when one might try therapy and find that there is not that "right fit" with the therapist.  It can be painful to start with a therapist, allow yourself to be vulnerable to then find that the counselor you started with is not the best fir for you. Starting over with a new therapist can be difficult, but often significant for your best experience in therapy. Sometimes you might need to check out a few different professionals to find a therapist who will be supportive in a way that is going to be most helpful for you. It does take more energy to do that work, but in the end the right fit can make all the difference and feel worth it.

5) I don't need a therapist...I have friends/family/partner/co-workers to talk to.

Friends are great to have and even better to be able to share with especially when conflicts arise in your personal life. A therapist is an objective person who wants ultimately the best for you and may help you see things about yourself that perhaps your friend is not willing to share with you.

Overall, therapy/counseling can seem like a mysterious experience with a lot of misconceptions out there about the process in general. If you have been considering therapy or feel like you may want to give yourself the opportunity to try to get help reaching out is the first (and big!) step. If you have any questions about our services feel free to contact us as we would be pleased to talk with you. You can reach us at www.HealingLLC.com or by calling 240-274-5680 or emailing Admin@HealingLLC.com.

Attempt to Reduce Stress - What is Stress? - Adapted from a Post written by Leo Babauta (part 2/2)

Are you stressed? It could be a result of a stressful home life, habits, or chaotic work conditions. Instead of adopting old habits (reaching for food, drinking, or smoking for comfort) to deal with stress that could only lead to other problems. Here’s more options of on a list of things you can  do to get your life to a more manageable level of stress, a continuation from our last post.


3. Simplify your finances. Spending too much, late fees, trying to remember when to pay

what bill, or finding those paper bills that you’ve placed somewhere. First, pinpoint what

stresses you out about your finances. Automate savings, bill payments, and debt

payments can be a solution. Or it could be trying to spend less by reducing your shopping

trips (online too).

4. Have a blast! Have fun each day, even if it’s just for a few minutes.  This may include

playing with your kids outside, watching a funny TV show, reading your favorite comic

or looking online for silly jokes or inspirational phrases. Engage in something that takes

your mind of your stressors daily. Play sports, board games, read, dance, or watch

Youtube videos. Whatever you choose, be sure to laugh.

5. One thing at a time!

Start reducing your stress today! But remember, take it slow and do one thing at a time.

Focus as much as possible on doing one thing at a time.  Clear your desk of distractions.

Pick something to work on. Need to get ready for a presentation at work? Do only that.

Remove distractions such as phones and email notifications while you’re working on

that report. This takes practice, and you’ll get urges to do other things. But it can be done!

If you would like some support in order to manage your stress, counseling can help. You can visit our website www.HealingLLC.com or contact us at 240-274-5680 or Admin@HealingLLC.com with any questions or to schedule a counseling appointment.

Take Good Care,

Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP, Director, Gaithersburg Counseling Center

Dena Alalfey, Graduate Intern

References: Zen habits : Breathe. (n.d.). Retrieved May 26, 2015, from

http://zenhabits.net/10-simple-ways-to-live-a-less-stressful-life/

Does the change of season get you down?

As the days begin to shorten and Summer swiftly drifts away it can be difficult to come to terms with the warmth and sunshine dissipating. It seems we often wish away our winter months awaiting blissful spring and summer weather. Daylight dwindles, temperatures drop, kids are back in school, vacation season ends, the pools close, and the lush fruits of Summer have passed. For some, the end of summer can trigger a drop in mood among other feelings of the changing seasons. Does the change of season get you down?

It is normal to have some Summer regret; the “I didn’t get in shape and run everyday like I said I would”, or “I told myself I was going to learn to swim this Summer”, “my house is just as unorganized as it was when the kids got out of school”. Do you have any summer regrets? If so, what are they? Ask yourself—Is it too late to still do what I wanted to do? Beyond every turn and change is an opportunity. Do you still want to get the house organized? (or whatever didn’t actualize on your “to-do” list). If you still want that-you can make it happen.
You are the only one that can make that happen. So why wait? There can always be an excuse - if too many excuses or worries are getting in your way of accomplishing your own goals talking to a therapist can help. Make the most of what might be left of summer and helps you ease into Fall.

For more information, visit www.HealingLLC.com or contact us at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com or 240-274-5680.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP, Director & Psychotherapist and
Jill Gordon, LCSW-C, Psychotherapist

How to Reduce Overeating and Start Loving Yourself!

A wonderful article from our friends - Judith Matz, LCSW & Ellen Frankel, LCSW, who emphasis acceptance and compassion around eating and body image:

What if there was a simple practice to help you build your positive experiences with attuned eating? We've been so impressed with the work of Rick Hanson, and we've applied his strategy of "Taking In The Good" at our workshops. Take 30 seconds to give this a try the next time you have an attuned eating experience!

Frequently, people who struggle with issues of overeating use all or nothing thinking, so that a "bad" experience may lead to a belief that nothing is going well in your relationship with food. As with other aspects of life, it's important to deepen and embody your positive experiences as they occur. In our updated edition of Beyond a Shadow of a Diet, we adapt them as follows:

1. With your eyes closed, think about a time you were hungry, ate exactly what you were hungry for and stopped when you were full.
   
2. Now, savor the experience as you hold it in your attention for the next 10, 20, or 30 seconds rather than getting distracted by something else. Soften and open to the experience; let it fill your mind; give over to it in your body. The longer something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in implicit memory.
   
3. Intend and sense the experience seeping into you, perhaps as a warm glow spreading through your chest.

As Rick so eloquently explains, "any single time of taking in the good will usually make just a little difference. But over time those little differences will add up, gradually weaving positive experiences into the fabric of your brain and your whole being." This is a wonderful technique to use on your journey to become an attuned eater.

Wishing you a light and breezy season,

All the best,
Judith and Ellen

Judith Matz, LCSW judithmatz@dietsurvivors.com www.judithmatz.com

Ellen Frankel, LCSW ellenfrankel@dietsurvivors.com www.authorellenfrankel.com

www.dietsurvivors.com

For more help with loving your body, decreasing your critical inner self, and increasing positive eating and body image experiences, talking to a counselor today can help! We have wonderful psychotherpists at our counseling and wellness center, Another Look at Healing, LLC. For more information, contact us at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com, or 240-274-5680 or visit our website at www.HealingLLC.com.

Take Good Care,

Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

Director & Psychotherapist

Another Look at Healing, LLC

How To Guide: Cultivate your Relationship this Spring

How to let your relationship grow this Spring...

Spring is officially here…. or so the calendar says it is!  Spring brings new life. The greys and browns of the earth turn to vibrant green and bloom with color. The grass emerges, the trees bud, the flowers bloom and almost as though a switch was flipped, our eyes are filled with the season’s telling of new potential and growth. Each year, relationships and marriages also deserve periods of growth and new life too.  Maybe your relationship feels dormant like the winter season and the longing for “spring” is due.  But, how is this possible?

Here are some things to consider:

Communicate:

It may also be good to think about and discuss these questions with your partner. Discussing these questions can help you both to spark your memory of why your relationship is important to you.  After the kids go to bed, spread out a tablecloth, light a candle, have some dessert and discuss:

When did you first meet?

What was your first date like?

When did you first talk about your relationship or possibly getting married?

What was your first home together like or the first place you lived?

What qualities attracted you most to the other?

Getting Support:

There are a number of marriage and couples conferences around the country ranging from a few hours on a Saturday to week-long getaways.  Instead of each of you being on your own phones, take some time with your loved one and look together to see if you can find a workshop that looks interesting and see if you can make one of those work for you. If a weekend feels like too big of a commitment, what about finding a couples counselor to help you reconnect and find joy in your relationship. If you want help finding a couples counselor to help you with any relationship issues, contact us at 240-274-5680 or email us at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com.  

Loving relationships are worth seeking out a springtime and allowing for your relationship to grow with the changing of the season.

Take Good Care,

Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

Abbie Mortimer, Executive Assistant

Another Look at Healing, LLC - Counseling and Wellness Center for Women

Self Help for 2014 - What are you resolving to do next year?

As each year comes to a close, we’re often compelled to think of our New Year’s resolutions – This year, I’m going to…“cut chocolate out of my diet and drink less soda.”, “exercise more – maybe 3 times a week?”, “read more books or join a book club”, “do more of the things that I want to do, but never get around to doing.”… the list goes on.

These resolutions translate into the various components of life -- relationships, financial stability, health (emotional, spiritual and physical), giving back to the world, having a meaning in life -- all of which influence each of us differently, shape our experiences, and affect our overall well-being.

As this year nears its end and we look ahead to 2014, what if, instead of thinking about our resolutions, we challenge ourselves to view the different aspects of our lives as part of a broader journey toward greater personal growth?

If we ask ourselves questions such as: How can I be kinder to myself? How can I ask more for what I want and need? And how can I communicate my feelings with others more effectively? Then we’re thinking about the things in life that lead to healthier living. Taking the time to figure out these issues is no easy task, so we at Another Look at Healing, LLC – Counseling and Wellness Center, would like to offer several tips to help you along your journey:

1.      Take reasonable steps. You want to match your personality, skill set, strengths and weaknesses to the goals you’re setting.  And make sure the goals are not too big or too small. This way, the chances of disappointment are decreased, and your motivation increased by achieving what you have set for yourself to accomplish.

2.      Set clear goals. The more you can identify and clarify your goals, the more motivated you will become to achieve them. For example, write down specific lists of exactly what you want to accomplish, and then break it down into tangible, practical steps.

3.      Use your senses. See, hear, and feel what it’s like to have that thing or person you so desire. Visualizing your goals may inspire you to achieve them!

4.      Your goals are yours and not someone else’s. Your goals need to resonate with who you are and what you’re capable of.  Focusing on what someone else has that you don’t or what someone else can do that you want to be able to, can impose a lot of stress without much joy. Keep our #1 tip in mind here!

5.      Balance. Balance. Balance. Sticking to one area of your life too much and for too long while ignoring other areas may backfire, so be aware of your priorities, and look at your life in the long term as well as short with a sense of moderation.

Finally, your actions speak louder than your words. When you respect your word (whether thinking to yourself or talking aloud) and follow through with your actions, you build a sense of trust within yourself that helps you become stronger, more determined and more you. This holiday season, look inside to find the wisest part of you for the answers of what you want to accomplish this next year.

If you need any additional support learning how to become more authentically you, and have the healthier, happier life you always wanted, our counselors are available to help. Call us today at 240-274-5680 or email us at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com for a free consultation.  

Are you a Mind Reader? Do you wish people knew what you wanted?

The mind-reading fantasy

“He should just know how it makes me feel when he does that!”

“She should know what that look on my face means by now.”

The fantasy of mind-reading in our relationships is a real wish for many people. What is it? You know when you expect your partner, parent, or friend just knew what to do or say? Or wish she knew just what you wanted for your birthday without having to spell it out? Mind-reading is the idea that your significant other always knows just what you think/feel/want/need and how to respond accordingly. The reality is, without asking, you may not know what she wants, and without her telling you, you really may not know. What you think, and what actually is happening in an others thoughts just might be two different realities.

What this comes down to is the desire one has for another to anticipate and meet his/her own needs. Sounds pretty basic, right? Well it can be.  Mature, healthy adults are responsible for having our own needs met; oftentimes in the communication to and with our partner.

What can you do? Start by being more aware of this kind of thought process of mind reading.  Take a moment and try and take a more global picture of the situation and see if you could be jumping to conclusions based on a possible false belief. Instead of assuming you think you know, ask. Ask for clarification. Take the opportunity to learn what your loved one wants and needs from you.

Save the mind reading for the fortune tellers…

The World's Most Important Relationship Tip

Excellent Article by Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Director, The Buehler Institute:

It isn't remembering your partner's birthday.  It isn't learning how to rub his or her neck just right.  It isn't remembering their favorite dish to order from the local Chinese place, either. No, the world's most important relationship tip is as old as old can be: Listen. However, it's not that simple.  You have to listen on many different levels, all at once.  You have to listen in such a way that your partner feels heard.  You have to open your "third ear" and listen with passion, love, and wisdom.  You need to place all your attention on your partner's words and listen, not just to the literal meaning, but to all the shades of meaning underneath. Have you ever had this dialogue: Partner:  You're not listening to me. You:  Yes, I am. Partner:  No, you're not. You:  Yes, I am.  (Repeat what partner says verbatim.) Partner:  That's what I said, but it's not what I mean.  You don't get me at all! You: (Scratching your head.)  Whatever! In this exchange, the listening partner thinks they're all over it because they heard the words.  But they obviously missed a lot of information.  They missed their partner's tone of voice, their body language, and the feelings behind the words. Your partner isn't simply a word-producing device, with sounds coming out of their throat and mouth that come from nowhere.  Your partner is a thinking, feeling human being.  When they need you to listen, really listen, they are speaking with the hope that they will be understood without having to spell out every single little detail.  If you are intimate partners, it is expected, at least to some extent, that you know your partner well enough that you understand the significance of what they are saying. This type of exchange often happens when the listener is concrete.  That means they are very literal and focused on what is happening on the immediate present.  When someone is concrete, it means that they lack flexibility to understand that there is so much more going on.  It is like being tuned into one channel and not realizing that others exist. Can you develop better skill as a listener?  As a matter of fact, yes!  Here are more tips to make the original tip even better.  For example, don't anticipate what your partner is going to say, and don't start creating a response until your partner has finished speaking. While your partner is speaking, check in with yourself.  What emotional response do you get from their words?  Do you feel sad, upset, angry, amused, or confused?  Can you sense any tightness or other signal in your body, such as in your stomach?  And, what do you notice about your partner's face and body?  Are they tense?  Are their eyes wide open?  Or are they downcast?  What does this body language tell you about the importance of what they are saying? Once your partner has spoken, check in.  Make sure you heard what they said.  Ask.  Then reflect.  How do you want to respond? Try letting your partner know that you understand from their words that they might be feeling angry or distressed or whatever.  If you don't get the feeling behind their words just right, ask them to describe it to you. Respond to the feeling first--very important!  That is what makes your partner feel heard.  Give your partner sympathy or whatever is required.  Even if you don't share their point of view, be patient.  Let your partner know they are as important to you as you are to yourself. Only then can you begin to offer advice or to brainstorm, not before. I think you will be amazed with the result.  You and your partner will feel more intimate.  You will fight less.  Your partner will feel more understanding toward you, as well. Yes, the most important relationship skill is to listen.  The second most important relationship skill is how you speak to your partner--but that's for next month, stay tuned!

Holiday Survival Guide Part 1 of 2

The holiday season has nearly come and gone. All of a sudden, 2013 is right around the corner. For some, this time of year brings feelings of joy and gratitude. It can be a time of great celebration as well. For others, maybe even you or someone you love, this holiday season may be a source of great stress. So how is it that, during a time so full of wonder and love, some of us can feel more pain than pleasure?

Holiday Challenges

1. Holiday Cheer: Seeing others so happy during this of year time can make you feel pressured to be happy, which may be a challenging if that is not how you are really feeling. This might contribute to feelings of not being understood and depression. May be talking to someone could help.

2. Sending Cards & Gift Giving: Making the list, checking it twice, then shopping for, buying and wrapping the gifts can be exhausting. Also, finding the money to pay for the gifts can put a strain on your budget and your mind. This can be overwhelming and stressful so why not simplify this year?

3. Traveling & Time Off of Work: Between the high cost of transportation, large crowds, losing work hours, having to divide the holiday time with other co-workers, amongst other issues, the holiday season might be more stressful than you planned. Some of these things may increase your fear of travel and/or anxiety about your finances. You could think about celebrating the holidays at home this year or making one trip instead of many.

4. Emphasis on Food & Party: This can be particularly trying for many with eating issues or substance abuse issues. For example, being surrounded by large quantities of food and alcohol might make the temptation too great and the pressure to “be good” almost unbearable.  If you struggle with your eating or substance use, you can get support from loved ones by letting them know, or talking to a counselor can help.

5. Spending Time with Family: Finding a way to visit everyone can be overwhelming and nearly impossible. Sometimes being with family can resurrect unpleasant times or dysfunctional family dynamics. Often the most difficulty is in remembering the ones you’ve lost, causing you to experience great sadness or loneliness. You can plan and prepare for family time. You can enjoy what you have and when you have had enough, it is OK to say “no”.

Note that on any given day, the above challenges could be major stressors for just about anyone. So at the holidays, it is important to pay special attention to your health and wellness. Therefore, it is our hope that the tips in our next post to help to empower you to have the courage to change what is not working for you and embrace what is. 

If the holiday time is stressful for you and you want some extra support, you can always call of office at 240-274-5680 or email us at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com to set up an appointment to talk to one of our warm, caring therapists. Help is here.

Personal Growth Support Group Information

Are you feeling stuck and want to work out your issues?

Do you value self-reflection and want to find greater understanding of yourself?

Are you looking for support in changing your life for the better?

If you answered yes, consider participating our upcoming Personal Growth Support Group. A support group is a safe, protected environment where you can get help and support from others while you learn to make changes in your life. Discussing current and past issues and receiving feedback from the other group members can help you gain valuable perspective, problem solve your current issues and create lasting change. This group is for you if you are feeling stuck, who want more from life and/or your relationships and want to work on developing into the person you want to be.

Benefits

- You will be given an opportunity to gain valuable insight into your feelings, your motivations and your behaviors, get help with the issues you are struggling with and start to make changes in your life.

- The cost for each individual is significantly less that it would be to attend weekly therapy sessions (costing over $100 per week). Additionally, social support is a critical part of moving towards wellness. With group therapy you can learn about the roles you play in your life - without judgment from a spouse, family member or friend.

- Often when we help others, we help ourselves. By being honest with others and showing your true self, we often develop more insight, more understanding and more motivation to change all the while helping others learn about themselves.


Logistics

Date/Time: The new group will be starting soon and will most likely be meeting on Tuesdays, Thursdays or Fridays from 7:30-9pm with Lev Grotel, our therapist specializing in group therapy.

Location: We will be meeting at 849 Quince Orchard Blvd. Suite D. Gaithersburg, MD 20878.

Cost: The cost is usually $50/week for this group, however, due to these difficult economic times, we can reduced the rate to $35 per 90 minutes session based on need.

Contact Information: If you have any questions about the group or would like to set up your pre group interview to see if the group is a good fit for you and you are a good fit for the group, please call the office at 240-274-5680 or email Amy Hooper at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com. Visit www.HealingLLC.com for more information.