Why Is Going to Therapy So Difficult?

Ever feel like therapy is too hard or wished it didn't have to be so hard? Most people have that feeling at one time or another during a course of treatment and it may help to have a bit of understanding of why it is such a challenge and what is going on inside of you. So, first, applause to you for taking a step in a direction of helping yourself!  Regardless of what you might feel you need help with, actually looking at what is getting in your way of change can begin the changing process! As you already may have realized, change itself is difficult. Look how long you have been going along in your life, feeling, acting, behaving, being this certain way. Even when you have the best of intentions of changing; said change is often still quite challenging. 
We as humans are hard wired to build up defenses (essentially ways of protecting ourselves from "potential" harms way). When you come to therapy often times those defenses are no longer working effectively for you. It is likely because the defenses have become more of a barrier to those around you and yourself from feeling whatever it is that you may feel. A well trained therapist will help you to become aware of these defenses and feelings that arise during your sessions and explore what might be occurring. Your therapist wants to help you reach your goals; with time, patience, and a good fit you may just see and feel some of the change you are hoping for and working towards.Try and be kind to yourself during this process; its tough, though you are worth it.


For more assistance finding a therapist who is a good fit for you, feel free to call our office at 240-274-5680 or for more information about our therapists, visit www.HealingLLC.com.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

What to say when someone dies...

Everyone experiences the loss of a loved one as part of life. Though it is a part of life, it can often be a difficult one to know how to navigate for those directly and indirectly affected by such losses. Others losses can remind us of our own recent or distant losses. You may be afraid to say “the wrong thing”; however if you stop and think about it, is there a “wrong” way to show and express your sympathy for ones loss? Take this opportunity to really stop and think…

Now, in thinking about someones loss try and challenge yourself to wonder what you would want and need  from a friend, co-worker, or family member if you were the one closely affected by the death.

Do you want someone to be with you?

Do you need some space and time to reflect?

Do you need to not think about making dinner for the next week?

Do you want a hug and a good cry?

It is important to remember everyone grieves differently, in our own way and own time. It can be helpful to keep in mind that even though some time may have passed, the loss is still very real and present for that person. Acknowledgement of this can be so meaningful; having a witness to ones grief (whether it  be a therapist or friend) can really offer the feeling of not being so alone.

If you have having a difficult time with a recent or previous loss, and want some support working through it, feel free to call our office at 240-274-5680 or email us at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com to start getting the help you are looking for. 

Take Good Care,

Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC

Six Quick Tips for Dating this Summer!

Dating: 

It can be a daunting, tiring process, but it can help if you do your best to go in with a positive outlook and positive, hopeful attitude.  Whether you are in the dating world or thinking about how to get back in the dating pool here are a few tips and ideas that can help keep you afloat.

Tips:

1. Broaden your options by joining in different activities that interest YOU in order to create a win - win situation. Do something you enjoy whether its playing softball, running, board games, reading books, etc. There is likely a club or activity partners looking for people like yourself to partner up with. Even if you don't meet someone "special" the chances are you are at least having fun, meeting people, and putting yourself out there. (You can try MeetUp.com to find fun things to do in your area!)

2. Take a risk and allow yourself to be moderately vulnerable. You don't have to reveal all of your deepest, darkest secrets on the first date. However, it helps to be genuine and allow your personality out for others to get to know you. 

3. Don't limit yourself to the bar scene, or thinking that's the only way to meet someone new. Everyday and every place provides opportunity to connect with others ( think book store, airport, church/temple, gym). Try going alone; you will be more approachable and more inclined to make conversation with others.

4. Make eye contact and smile.

5. Been in the game for a while? Try taking a break and “dating yourself”. Nourish, give to yourself, and love you before you get back to trying to love someone else.

6. If you want help with your dating and relationships, counseling can help you better understand your needs and wants, as well as help you understand what might be working or not working with the dating you have tried and what you can do differently to create the outcome you desire. For more information about setting up a counseling appointment, contact us today at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com or call 240-274-5680.

Take Good Care,

Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP

Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC

When life hands you lemons…

You don’t have to make lemonade. You can make lemon bars, lemon cookies, or you don’t have to make anything at all! You can hold them, look at them, throw them, squeeze them, juggle them, give them away, peel them, or anything else you might imagine! In this day and age opportunities may seem endless, and while that might sound wonderful to some, the abundance of choices may lead others to feel overwhelmed and stressed out. So if lemonade sounds good to you, then start squeezing! Others may want to weigh out other options before deciding what to do with their lemons.

The great thing about life and choices is just that: you have the choice! YOU get to choose! So if that choice feels more like a trap ask yourself what are the possible best and worst anticipated outcomes? Usually, life falls somewhere in the middle.

If the choices feel too overwhelming or you want support dealing with stressful times, counseling can help. Email us today for more information at AnotherLook@HealingLLC.com.

Take Good Care,
Amy Hooper, LCSW-C, CEAP
Director, Another Look at Healing, LLC Counseling and Wellness Center for Women and Families

Everyone is doing it… Online Dating: The Do’s and Dont’s

If you are one of the fish swimming in the dating pool you have likely tried or thought about trying online dating websites to potentially meet a match. A decade ago online dating was nearly unheard of, while in this day and age, practically “everyone is doing it”. If you are single and trying to meet someone new and are thinking about trying (or are already using) an online dating website we have a few tips to think about.

Do’s

-Be you! It’s easy to get anxious when meeting someone new, so try a quick relaxation exercise like deep breathing prior to a date.

-If you choose to drink alcohol, allow yourself a limit to maintain your best judgment

-Meet in a public space and keep it simple…coffee shop, restaurant, book shop

-Trust your gut, it’s usually right on

-Practice common sense

-Keep an open mind, you never know! Do you have a “type”? Get out of that comfort zone and meet someone different

-Talk on the phone before meeting to get a feel for the person

-Even if the first date is a bust, try to find something you like about each person you meet

-Relax! Have fun!

Don’ts

-Reveal too much private information before knowing someone (how much is too much? If you wouldn’t want to put it out on social media sites, think before you share). If it is someone you’d like to get to know more, things will unfold naturally.

-Post revealing photographs

-Become too involved back and forth before meeting; yes you want to know who you are going to meet, however at the same time you want to manage your expectations since a false sense of intimacy can be created prior to real personal interaction has occurred.

Are you a Mind Reader? Do you wish people knew what you wanted?

The mind-reading fantasy

“He should just know how it makes me feel when he does that!”

“She should know what that look on my face means by now.”

The fantasy of mind-reading in our relationships is a real wish for many people. What is it? You know when you expect your partner, parent, or friend just knew what to do or say? Or wish she knew just what you wanted for your birthday without having to spell it out? Mind-reading is the idea that your significant other always knows just what you think/feel/want/need and how to respond accordingly. The reality is, without asking, you may not know what she wants, and without her telling you, you really may not know. What you think, and what actually is happening in an others thoughts just might be two different realities.

What this comes down to is the desire one has for another to anticipate and meet his/her own needs. Sounds pretty basic, right? Well it can be.  Mature, healthy adults are responsible for having our own needs met; oftentimes in the communication to and with our partner.

What can you do? Start by being more aware of this kind of thought process of mind reading.  Take a moment and try and take a more global picture of the situation and see if you could be jumping to conclusions based on a possible false belief. Instead of assuming you think you know, ask. Ask for clarification. Take the opportunity to learn what your loved one wants and needs from you.

Save the mind reading for the fortune tellers…

The World's Most Important Relationship Tip

Excellent Article by Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Director, The Buehler Institute:

It isn't remembering your partner's birthday.  It isn't learning how to rub his or her neck just right.  It isn't remembering their favorite dish to order from the local Chinese place, either. No, the world's most important relationship tip is as old as old can be: Listen. However, it's not that simple.  You have to listen on many different levels, all at once.  You have to listen in such a way that your partner feels heard.  You have to open your "third ear" and listen with passion, love, and wisdom.  You need to place all your attention on your partner's words and listen, not just to the literal meaning, but to all the shades of meaning underneath. Have you ever had this dialogue: Partner:  You're not listening to me. You:  Yes, I am. Partner:  No, you're not. You:  Yes, I am.  (Repeat what partner says verbatim.) Partner:  That's what I said, but it's not what I mean.  You don't get me at all! You: (Scratching your head.)  Whatever! In this exchange, the listening partner thinks they're all over it because they heard the words.  But they obviously missed a lot of information.  They missed their partner's tone of voice, their body language, and the feelings behind the words. Your partner isn't simply a word-producing device, with sounds coming out of their throat and mouth that come from nowhere.  Your partner is a thinking, feeling human being.  When they need you to listen, really listen, they are speaking with the hope that they will be understood without having to spell out every single little detail.  If you are intimate partners, it is expected, at least to some extent, that you know your partner well enough that you understand the significance of what they are saying. This type of exchange often happens when the listener is concrete.  That means they are very literal and focused on what is happening on the immediate present.  When someone is concrete, it means that they lack flexibility to understand that there is so much more going on.  It is like being tuned into one channel and not realizing that others exist. Can you develop better skill as a listener?  As a matter of fact, yes!  Here are more tips to make the original tip even better.  For example, don't anticipate what your partner is going to say, and don't start creating a response until your partner has finished speaking. While your partner is speaking, check in with yourself.  What emotional response do you get from their words?  Do you feel sad, upset, angry, amused, or confused?  Can you sense any tightness or other signal in your body, such as in your stomach?  And, what do you notice about your partner's face and body?  Are they tense?  Are their eyes wide open?  Or are they downcast?  What does this body language tell you about the importance of what they are saying? Once your partner has spoken, check in.  Make sure you heard what they said.  Ask.  Then reflect.  How do you want to respond? Try letting your partner know that you understand from their words that they might be feeling angry or distressed or whatever.  If you don't get the feeling behind their words just right, ask them to describe it to you. Respond to the feeling first--very important!  That is what makes your partner feel heard.  Give your partner sympathy or whatever is required.  Even if you don't share their point of view, be patient.  Let your partner know they are as important to you as you are to yourself. Only then can you begin to offer advice or to brainstorm, not before. I think you will be amazed with the result.  You and your partner will feel more intimate.  You will fight less.  Your partner will feel more understanding toward you, as well. Yes, the most important relationship skill is to listen.  The second most important relationship skill is how you speak to your partner--but that's for next month, stay tuned!