Saturday, November 30, 2013

HANDLING RELATIONSHIP BUMPS - by Dr. Stephanie Buehler @ The Buehler Institute

It isn't the bumps--it's how you handle them that counts.  Here are some pointers for getting past conflict and returning to harmony: 
    couple hugging
  • After an argument, make sure that the issue has been resolved.  
  • What will be different in the future?  How will you make that happen?
  • If the conflict has passed and is resolved, forgive your partner, who is after all only human--just like you. 
  • And apologize.  Whether you started the conflict or helped it to escalate, take responsibility and say sorry. 
  • If it is an issue that doesn't have a good solution, accept the outcome with grace.
  • Don't use your ability to forgive to manipulate a partner or guilt trip them.   
  • Be assertive.  Stay with "I" statements when telling your partner how you are feeling and what you want going forward.
  • Plan to do something that fosters a feeling of togetherness.  This can be as simple as lying in spoons, or going on a date.
  • Learn to let go and move past conflict.  Holding onto feelings of anger can foster more conflict.   
Couples that are harmonious tend to have a better sex life.  The phrase is, "make love, not war," not "make war, hang onto bad feelings, and try to repair it with sex"!

Article written by:
Dr. Stephanie Buehler
The Buehler Institute